The One.

Is he the one?

If you’ve been in a long-term (or heck even short term) relationship, your cousin, your grandma, or your best friend has asked you this with a sparkle in their eye.

It feels soooo exciting that they can even ask this little phrase. This small sentence has been one of the most life shaping and nerve wracking questions asked in my lifetime of 24 years.

I wanted him to be the one…does that mean he is? I would like to find the one…does that mean I just pick one?! We definitely have so much fun together and work out our arguments…that means he’s the one, right?

Throw in Disney movies and rom-coms full of people falling in love at first sight and this whole thing (plus an anxious brain and sensitive heart) becomes a mind bender. I was engaged before, to a college boyfriend, and I had to learn some hard lessons when that fell apart. Now, I am no relationship counselor or love guru, but as a woman who is now engaged to someone who is undoubtedly who I want to spend the rest of my life with—I wish someone had said these words to me. Added to this is so much wisdom from friends across the states and all stages of life.

  1. It’s normal to be a little nervous when thinking about whether your relationship is forever material. I think it is a sign of being a critical thinker, and the reality that to a degree, love is blind! The question is whether you have a gut worry because you know there is something “off” or because you just realize what a huge commitment marriage is.
  2. This person needs to be able to relate to you on a deeper level. One of my favorite things my aunt says: “it’s not if the storms will come, it’s when!” Not in a dark way, but life together will absolutely have it’s storms. If you can’t relate when discussing the heavier stuff, it is going to be hard to dig into your roots when the winds blow.
  3. Does this person need to have all your favorite qualities all the time? No. Remember that we all have our more unsavory tendencies. The question is, does your partner listen when you tell them what you need from them? Are they willing to work on their weaknesses in order to be better for you? Do they actually show the discipline to be selfless?
  4. Last but not least, you need to love WHO your partner is. Not what he COULD be, or what you HOPE he will be. Our true tendencies only come out more with time. Don’t get me wrong, people grow and change. But if you can’t say that your SO’s character inspires you and impresses you over time—girl there is more out there.

I had a really off feeling before when preparing for my lifetime commitment. Looking back, that relationship was missing the selflessness, teamwork, and depth that I longed for. That I have been blessed to find now. It can be so tricky to pinpoint, but I hope that this helps any questions on a sweet friend’s heart. Remember, you deserve to have the type of love you long for!

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